no, he came in my armpit
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
