why didn't you poke me back
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize