We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
