Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
