Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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