I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
