He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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