Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
what is it with giant penises always finding me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
