Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
