well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
