i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
