how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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