The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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