Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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