fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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