At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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