Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
third nipple confirmed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
