Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
