If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
