You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think i have two assholes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
