I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
