so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
