Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
