if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
