I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
