stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
soo... how was my night?
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