Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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