I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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