Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
