I hate your face
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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