I hate your face
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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