I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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