i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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