Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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