sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Randomize
