Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
