were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
