the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
