I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
