she looked like the bat from fern gully.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
