why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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