dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
