i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
