i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
