"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
