I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
