I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
