She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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