I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
