Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
