Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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