Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
