Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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