Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
