ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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