My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
