She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
40s are totally the cure
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
