Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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