If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
