oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were trust falling into bushes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
