When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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