I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
