It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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