Umm I'm too high to move.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
